Monday, February 25, 2013

Failure to launch

I can't quite get it off the ground! The desire of my heart is to connect with young girls and encourage them in their value to preserve their sexual and emotional purity until marriage.  Somedays I feel like a soldier suiting up for battle as I attempt to combat the effects of the sexualization on today's youth. 

The date has been set for this year's retreat and I do see God in it, but its not moving forward very quickly! I spent most of the day after last weeks planning meeting feeling like it was too much to navigate.  After three attempts to get our planning team together we were finally able to meet. The previous two attempts had been sidelined by illness and my unexpected flat tire. (I guess all flat tires are unexpected, huh?)

Still feeling motivated, I was excited to see the ladies for last weeks meeting.  Until a few of the preschoolers who came along went up to our bonus room to play. 

Did I mention that we got a puppy for Christmas? Ugh....potty training has not been easy and my three 'I'll do anything to get a puppy!' kiddos have lost interest in him.  No one likes to take him out, and unknown to me, Max has happily begun using the cubbies in our playroom as a litter box. 
I'll admit I don't go into the playroom much - it has a door and I close it. 

Not far into our meeting the visiting preschoolers uncovered Max's 'treasures' - SERIOUSLY!  How was this dog a gift for me?  After making the ladies wait for another 10 minutes so I could clean up, we finally got started.  I was so embarrassed and just knew these ladies thought I was the worst mom and housekeeper ever.

I'd like to tell you that I recovered quickly and had the mental and emotional maturity to rebound and make great progress at that meeting.  No such luck.  I held it together for the meeting and then spent the rest of the day in an emotional ditch.  You know the one, where you wonder why you even thought you could make a difference? The place where you dig in your heels convinced that it's all a waste of time?

Then Saturday came.  I was up early to do the usual shuffle running kids to their practices peppering every sentence I blurted out with a 'hurry up!' or 'we're going to be late!' I raced through the chores then ended up at the church to help with a food distribution truck, clearly not running on an emotionally full tank prepared to pour into others.

God didn't care.  He used me anyway, a crystal clear reminder that He will use me even if I think I'm unworthy. As I jumped in line and helped a lady with an armload of groceries to her car, my heart lifted and I was giddy to be helping her.  She was so grateful and shared openly about her husbands job loss and her hourly job at a local hospital.  She talked about 5 of her neighbors whose homes were in foreclosure and how her family was hanging on to every dime hoping to prevent losing their home as well.  I hugged her and I listened and I felt the greatest benefit.

As the plans for PINC (purity is no compromise) University April 19/20, 2013 unfold, I pledge to get my 'stuff' out of the way.  My insecurities, my fears, my agenda, and my pride.  My 'dog poo' is so minor in the big picture and if I choose to stay stuck in it, no one will benefit.  Feel free to hold me accountable!

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